'Now pull the box out of her butt ... it actually SAYS that!!' by Kara
Friday, December 29, 2006 at 8:54 AM

Somewhere, someone needs to keep track of all the one-liners that have been printed on shirts and bumper stickers, and declare them Old and Not Funny after five years or so. Lines such as 'What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?' and 'I'm not suffering from insanity ... I'm enjoying every minute of it!'

Anything that begins 'You laugh because I'm different ...' is out just on principle.

Wishing people a Merry Christmas is ...

First: Geesh, people, get that stick out of your arse.: 24%
Second: ... just fine.: 20%
Third: ... polite and cheerful: 18%

... insensitive to people with another system of beliefs.: 4% (BLAH!!!)
... offensive and politically incorrect!!!: 0%
... just stupid.: 0%

Points

* -5 uncreativity points for 'sterilisation of religion' comments, and -5 to me for not realising that this would be the most common write-in.

* 'Is fun if for no other reason then to try piss off all those people who hate Christmas. (I just love the look of anger on their face)': +10 for using the biggest holiday of the year to get on people's nerves. I approve!

* 'Socialy awquard in afganistan': +10 for The Funny, -10 for spelling every word in that answer wrong except 'in.'

'A secret code phrase that activates sleepers placed by the Soviet Union 30 years ago. Please, just for this year, wish them Happy Hannukah!': +15 for pulling for my Jewish readership. I suddenly have a burning desire to yell angrily in Russian.

* 'an interesting thing. I feel fine saying Merry Christmas to my friends, even if they don't celebrate it. I try to stick to something like Happy Holidays for people I don't know, though.': +5 ... me too, although if it's a clerk or something, they're apparently obligated to wish me something, so I just wait to see what they go with. They handle my food, after all.

* 'fine, as long as they don't follow it up with an attept to "spread the good word"...actually forcing it on people is offensive, not simply wishing 'em a nice time': +20 for anyone who understands that not all Christians all that way ... -10 to all Christians who are that way.

Close-to-correct Answer: 'If you live in the US you forfeit your right to be "offended" by other peoples religions. You may not believe it, but you have to tolerate it... so fscking DEAL or leave! MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT!'

Correct Answer: Actually, no one got the correct answer this week. The correct answer is that, despite any moves the Church made, the medievals didn't understand the concept of 'opinion' (although the did understand fiction) ... so everything they read had to be true. If the Church hadn't done it, the medievals would probably still have done it to maintain their sanity. I mean, hell, they worked the Greco-Roman pantheon into their view of a monotheistic universe. So basically, according to them, everything is true and everything works with everything else.

Although Christmas is technically historically in October ...

This week's poll is a brainy one. So, if you have been, get brainy!