'It's Ohio! And it TALKS!' by Kara
Friday, December 12, 2008 at 9:38 AM

I spent the morning packing more stuff into the car because I was too much of a lazy fsckhead to do it last night. Let's get to the part you've all been waiting for, ne?

There is no poll question this week. Instead, use the write-in to make up a new fake December holiday in 1-2 sentences.

Uncreativity Penalty: Ooh, you passive-aggressive little lovelies, I said fake, not whine about real ones being co-opted. -50, can't follow rules. Also, -20 for holidays celebrating me, ya suck-ups. I only fall for that sometimes.

Points

* 'Juicemas, where every Dec 12th we celebrate that sometimes people get what they have coming to them.': +15 for the first five words; +5 for the second five words, concurrent with the first five; +5 for the third five words, concurrent with the first and second five; 10 for the last three words, consecutive to the first fifteen. Figure that shit out, wise guy.

* 'd12 Appreciation Day (Dec. 12). Those poor, underutilized dice need some love!': +4, for the number of d12s I have (that I can find right now).

* 'Something tells me anything involving The Great Pumpkin will cost me points. But the Snoopy theme is still cool.': No points because you didn't make it up, but I won't dock you any, either, for catching yourself. And yeah, Snoopy is cool.

* 'The day after Thanksgiving is known as "White Friday". It is the you step on the scale, see how much weight you gained because of the Thanksgiving meal, and your face turns pure white.': I will give you a point for every pound you keep off.

* 'December 32 shall be declared All Other Days In December Are Holidays Day. Take the month off any year this day doesn't arrive.': One point for each December holiday.

* 'I'm celebrating a made-up one this year; it's called "sleep half the day, talk to people in the States on SKYPE, pester Chinese people for present/free things, eat noodles, and then drink myself dumb at a karaoke box" day': You are Kami and I c- You know, it's just not as satisfying anymore.

* 'Roxxing Day, on December 27th you will visit/chat with your friends and show off your newest high tech present and how great you are with said presents (whether in a competive gaming sense or a productive corporate sense). This days was founded in the late 1970s when the first atari owners PWNED their friends after becoming experts at video games in just one day.': I can't celebrate that. -5 for envy.

* 'December 28th is Giant cookie day. Make cookies 6" in diameter or greater, and give them to your closest friends.': I'll give you a point for every inch in diameter the cookie you give me is. And by 'cookie,' I mean cookie.

* 'December 18th through the 31 is "Celebrate our birthdays, dammit!" Brought to you by those of us who keep getting the shaft for being born around Christmas.': Happy birthday points. +50 each.

* 'I am Randy Milholland and I call upon thee.': Time stamp on hand, Mr. Milholland.

Correct Answer: Oh, what the hell. 'Shoga-fucking-nai day. Everyone's doing it...if you don't like it ...fuck you!'

Phew. That's the last time I do a write-in only poll. If you have been, tasty.