'I will not have you editing my upper lip!' by Kara
Monday, August 14, 2006 at 7:19 AM

I've got a general sense of foreboding this morning. Anyone planning anything evil? Am I gonna have to be a character witness? I don't wanna be on the news.

Well, seeing as there's no real news of note (except my neck finally being better), it's time for another anime run-down. Today:

Early English with Doraemon.

I only watched it because my fansub group is doing it, and we're doing it because it's cheap and easy and mostly in English. (No, I'm not going to attempt to compare that to anyone.) This is the first in a miniseries of 15-minute cartoons produced to teach English to little Japanese kids.

For those unfamiliar with Doraemon, he is an earless blue alien robot cat who has been the subject of a children's show since about 357 B.C. He also has a kangaroo-like pouch in front from which he can pull anything. The other characters find it useful, but for me it just tends to be disturbing.

Our trip through English music begins with a song about pie, sung by Doraemon's little sister, Dorami. Her favourite varieties appear to be apple, cherry, and peach, and she has promised to share her snack with a 'handsome guy.' However, seeing as her choices are Nobita, Giant, and Suneo, she's a little spoiled for choice.

Doraemon then engages in eating some pie (which he pulls from his pocket), stored in a box (also from his pocket), at a large table (bus.). However, as you may have guessed, a fly lands on the pie, which sends Doraemon into a murderous rage. But that's okay, because Shizuka is shorly in possession of the pie, which Nobita demands from her to show that he likes her. (On a semi-related note, I believe the show went on so long in Japan that Nobita and Shizuka eventually got married. Is this true?)

Also on the subject of pies, we get to sing 'Pat-a-Cake,' complete with primitive para-para. This is followed by a song about tickling, which Nobita seems to enjoy, but Giant is less than thrilled with the idea.

Next, we learn how to introduce family and friends. 'Mommy. Mommy. This is my mommy. This is my mommy.' As we progress to siblings, Dorami teaches us that the proper way to show affection for our big brother is to nuzzle him suggestively under his chin. This explains so much. Suneo, however, is stuck introducing us to his friend Goo-Goo the Dinosaur.

Finally, let's sing 'Where is Father?' I remember this song. And I remember we had a problem, seeing as this is performed with thumb and fingers. One depicts the father and the one being introduced with their thumbs. Next we introduce Mother with the index fingers. At this point I went, 'Wait, if this is the case, we should probably avoid introducing Brother.' Unfortunately for the naive children of Japan, we do not. On the bright side, I now have a picture of one of Japan's most beloved children's characters flipping a random little dude the bird.

There are a few other segments, but I really don't feel like tackling them. This was pain enough.

If you have been, don't spit.