'Nudie break!' by Kara
Friday, March 31, 2006 at 8:34 AM

Well, now. Tomorrow is a big day for me. I get to go to Cheeseburger in Paradise again. Also, slightly less importantly, 1 April 2006 marks the fifth anniversary of ConScrew. Yup. Big 5.

I was trying to think what to say in the rant concerning this - could talk about how my life has changed, could talk about how the comic has changed, could talk about my observations on the state of fandom/cons now as opposed to in 2001 ... but really, all of those ended up sounding sappy when I went through them in my head. Besides which, it'd get boring really fast. So instead, I've decided to list off things that haven't changed.

1. I still can't draw hands.
2. I'm still with three of my closest friends, and now am fortunate enough to be writing with them.
3. I still annoy people by having an encyclopedic knowledge of Robin Williams triviality.
4. I'm still kinda flat-chested.
5. I still don't own any gaming system larger than a hand-held.
6. Because I still suck at every platform game ever made.
7. I still have trouble conceiving of the size of my fan base.
8. Still haven't gotten my big break in Hollywood.
9. I still hate my art.
10. Finally ... I still won't draw you porn unless you pay my rent.

Aww. How sweet. Now, poll results!

After Snakes on a Plane, what will Samuel L. Jackson's next movie be?

FIRST: Snakes on the Pope - 18%
SECOND: Soap on a Rope - 16%
THIRD: Snakes on a Train - 12%
Goats on a Boat - 9%
Snakes in Sox in Box on Knox - 6%

OTHER
* 'MOTHER F*CKIN' Snakes on a Plane': -10; that's the full promotional title of this movie
* 'Decapitated leprecon heads': +5, Artemis Fowl; -15, slow on the draw
* 'Samuel L. Jackson hires the manga-ka as his new agent': +10, hell yeah
* 'It was rainin' the mornin' I picked my mom up from prison and she done got run over by a big ol' train...a train it would seem overrun by things serpentine and my dawg got bit by a BLACK MAMBA!!! [B-yow chicka-bow wow! Chicka bow!]': -50, shut up
* 'Snakes on a frog on a bump on a log in a hole in the bottom of the sea! :D': +20, making me think of Danny Kaye
* 'Something actually worth seeing...': -5, ye of little faith
* 'Snakes, Scattered, Smothered, Covered with two eggs, sunny side up with a side of crispy bacon on a Blue Plate Special': +20, food
* 'Star Wars Episode IV: Revenge of the Snakes': -10, Star Wars sequels; -15, there was already an Episode IV
* 'Harry Potter XXVII: Snapes On A Plane': +20, pun; -50, bad pun
* 'Snake and Bake: The Movie (Tagline: I helped, mothafucka!)': +30, funny as hell; -1, making me snork my tomato juice
* 'All of the above, AND it has the BMF wallet.': +70, BMF wallet

This Week's WTF Award: 'nietzsche and Freud go to Moscow'

Correct Answer: 'Who knows, but he's likely to get the national budget of a small country for it. Oh, and he'll be badass, Samuel Jackson can be badass reading Dr. Seuss.'

Off we go. If you have been, drink up.