'Americans! I ready for my show to move from Japan into English.' by Kara
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 1:16 AM

I sort of caffeinated off-schedule. Well, I won't be coherent enough to do this when I (theoretically) wake up.

First off, check out ... Minus Jon Plus Jon, my publisher's unholy fusion of Watchmen and Garfield Minus Garfield. Make it viral.

Now then.

What would you do for some delicious bread?

First: Bake it -- 14%
Second: DID SHE JUST SAY BREEEEEAD?!?!!? -- 9% (Yes I did just say BREEEEAD!!!)
Third: Kill a robot with another robot / Buy it -- 5%

Wrestle a horse -- 2%
Nothing, I believe it should be given to me freely. -- 2%
Sexual favours. -- 2%

Uncreativity Penalty: -100 to people who used an existing choice as a write-in. Double for anything mentioning Klondike bars. I already beat you to it, ya little fools.

Points

* 'How delicious are we talking?': Really quite delicious, actually. -5 for doubting the deliciousness of this bread.

* 'so the bread... can u tell me how many calories it has??! :) I'm trying to diligently stay away from looking at food that I want to devour!': We'll get you some gluten-free bread or something. Rather than adding points, I shall subtract calories from it. Will that do?

* 'I would go 'Hokoto no Ken' on the Pillsbury Doughboy...'You Are Already Bread!'': Normally I'd groan, but +5 because freakin' Kenshiro, man.

* 'a triple somersault into a wet hankie': +10 DO IT

* 'I would shank a vegan with a carrot stick and sacrifice it to the grain gods.': I think I saw that in a porno once. +25 for an accurate reenactment.

* 'I would end the loafing of the upper crust, having proof it'S our dough raising them up. I prefer Punera!': -50. Many more bad puns like that, and you're toast.

* 'Find someone with SOLAR HANDS!!! ...And make them bake it for me.': +20 for some Yakitate. I'm surprised we didn't get more of that.

* 'I'de do her. I'de do her. I'de do her. Oh, and of course, if you'de like, twice. ;-) Oh, wait. There was something about bread?': Wat.

* 'I would do anything for bread, but I won't do that.': -10 because I figure sooner or later you'll be screwin' around.

* 'only if it's delicious oatmeal bread made by a freind in Japan. Then you can run to the train station with it hanging out of your mouth because you're late. (true story)': Send me some and it's +10, and I'll even run to work that way.

Correct Answer: 'Sneak you into Busch Gardens on Members Preview Sunday for the roller coasters?' Your bread is in the mail.

What time is it? Oh hell. I'm gonna look at this in the morning and wonder why it's done already. If you have been, no way.