'Picking your nose MAY be a male activity, but that doesn't make it MASCULINE!' by Kara
Monday, September 1, 2008 at 10:07 AM

Holy hell, it's September.

Holy hell, it's Labor Day.

Eesh.

So let me tell you about this fsckin' Gunbuster PS2 game I've mentioned, all right?

Right. We all know it's set up like a full-length TV series based on the original six episodes. When you're not watching it like a TV series, it's playable in three areas: walking around talking to people and looking at things (which I shall call 'RPG Mode'); actually beating up alien bugs (which I shall call 'Combat Mode'); and jumping rope, doing push-ups, and other forms of athletic training (also known as 'Kara Can't Do Shit Mode').

Now, I tend to be okay in Combat Mode. I did kind of dick over a tag tournament when I lost the circle button for a bit, but other than that I've gotten 100% scores on doing what I was actually sent out to the Exelion to do. In Kara Can't Do Shit Mode, however, I only just today managed to get a 14% success on jumping rope. You get the idea.

Seeing as how 'the show must go on' no matter how poorly you do, as it's at least something of a series and you need to eventually get to the end, I wondered about the replay value. If you lose a fight, it's not like your average game where you're sent back to your last save point. No. You just flat-out lose, and you get bitched at and generally made to feel like an idiot. But the 'show' goes on. So what, there's no punishment for failing at this game.

Oh. There is.

Today, after managing to get about one-tenth competent at jumping rope, I fought my way to the end of the level, successfully Inazuma Kicking some bugs in the head and getting those long-awaited words of loving praise from Norio Wakamoto. I was then shown the 'next episode' preview for the level to follow. This looks a bit cool, I thought, aware that I was now officially getting into stuff that wasn't in the OAV.

But then, it happened. That which I had been warned of, but did not entirely believe. After the preview, Coach popped up and told me I was too stupid to play the next level.

He TOLD ME.

I am TOO STUPID.

To play the next level.

So it just skipped ahead to the next preview. And therein, I suppose, lies the punishment. If you don't do well enough, rather than having to do bits over again, you have bits taken away. Bits like your self-worth. Only in Japan could they make a game that will, in fact, give you an inferiority complex.

I'm going back for more punishment later today.

If you have been, don't hurt me.