"Oh My GOD! There's a lightsaber fight going on in MY MOUTH!" by Rob
Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 3:53 AM

As I limped into the house and left the smouldering car in the driveway to be unpacked at a 'to- be-determined-later' date, I reflect upon the convention this past weekend. Perhaps I'm just getting too old for this kinda' stuff. Perhaps I expect a lot out of my convention experiences these days, too much maybe. But now since I've not had a good long rant in while, I suppose I'll regail you with the story of my Anime Central...hence to use the shortened Acen from here out.

It all started with trying to see some people that I had met at Ohayocon last year. When I couldn't get out there again, they insited that I should make Acen. Being that I had never been to Acen and that I had always wanted to go to one, I agreed that I should and made the neccisary plans to head out that way.

I awoke early thursday for work at about 6:30 in the morning, headed out for my normal day of work with my car packed from the night before, sleep being already in short supply since I stayed up late doing that. Should have done that earlier in the week. Did my standard Eight hours and chomped at the bit wating for the clock to turn to 5 PM. And I'm off, heading into the unknown, into new states I've never been too, much less driven through, for a driving adventure. The first hour and a half was fairly uneventful as I sang along to the IPod and watched the scenery of West Virginia pass by, wondering how they could nestle such a town into the crook of a mountain pass like this. Seriously, road, then on either side packed in was civilization...and then mountain or drop off. No wonder their sisters must look so good....

I saw Windmills akin to 'Star Mountain' in my drive and had the fortune to see some nice cars (An MR2 was cool ...But the Aston Martin was amazing!). The passes and bridges through the mountain would have made me stop and gawk if I hadn't been in a hurry to get to where I was going.

Food , gas and bathroom breaks. These were the three tennants that kept me from going insane at the wheel for any length of time. While I tried to exercises these as little as possible by clumping them together whenever necisary, a short break every few hours is crucial to any long road trip, lest the driver on a solo ride go mad with 'seat fever'. After paying exorbiant tolls to get into Pennsylvania and use their roads, I feel the first pangs of fatigue set in around 1am. Remember, at this point I woke at 6:30, did a full days work and already have driven for about 8 hours straight. I pull off for a nap somewhere in Ohio when I can bear it no longer and need a break.

I make it to about the other side of Toledo when I need my second nap, and the phrase 'What the fuck are you doing Rob?' resounds through my head. I may be getting too old to take trips like this by myself, but damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead, I was bound a determined to make it to the Windy City and have my self a loooong nap after getting there. I sleep till about 7 Am.

At this point I start off again for my final destination, leaving only about 4 hours left to my trip. I discover to my amazement that Indiana and the Chicago suburbs are nothing...NOTHING but railroad tracks and power lines. Screw Tokyo, Godzilla wanna' mess something up, he should go to Chicago! I pay yet more money, tallying my tolls well beyond the 25 dollar mark for the trip one way, and head out onto the Chicago Skyway. And let me tell you....when I cleared the crest of the bridge and saw for the first time in my life the Sears Tower stretching up to the sky in the distance with my own eyes, I let out a whoop of joy and pumped my fist. I crank the music (Riding Bean, Ironicaly) and head into the city proper for the airport area....

...And straight into Chicago traffic. Not as Bad as DC, NY or Boston....but well f-ed up in it's own right. I crawl through the last 20 miles or so and finaly break free to my exit. Clearing the ramp, I can see the hotel and the...oh shit. That's right. It's partly in my nemisis of nemisis' for conventions.

A Convention Center.

I've had nothing but bad experiences at most convention centers, so seeing this just made my mouth turn down automaticaly. Never mind, I pull into the Hotel front, past the throngs of my kind, or at least the children of them, and ask the bellman about parking.

'Oh it's all full' he says in his middle-eastern accent. I then inquire about the Valet parking, fully aware it's going to cost more, but willing to pay if its not too bad to save me some time and trouble after the long drive.

'It's 30 dollars a night'

Nearly choking on my spit after hearing this, and spotting Kevin Lilard in the same situation, I get directions to the nearest garage (right across the street from the convention center and connected by a skywalk) and settle the old FC in for the weekend. Kevin Follows and I quickly lose sight of him ...but not for long.

I proceed to park my car in the garage and head into the convention center to get my badge, I figure since I have no affiliation with this con that I'll do it the legit way and pay for it like everyone else. I head down the escilator and am met with the sound of someone yelling my name out. That can't be right....I don't know anyone here. Scratch that...they apparently do know me. It's Mike Dent from the R5 Central podcast. He and I meet for the first time and exchange pleasantries. After a while I wander around and decide its time to get in line.

Now, I ususaly don't wait in line for my badge. I don't think I've done that for almost a decade.Even though the line is long I stay the course and trudge along....and along....and along....

Wait a sec. This line isn't moving anymore. Long story short, We're told through the grapevine that the computer systems been hacked and the whole thing has crashed. Nevermind, they start doing it by hand. The stopping and starting goes on for hours...and I mean hours. Some bored patrons in the crowd inflate a beach ball *don't ask me where they got it...maybe Silent Bob was in line* and begin batting it around. This amuses the masses. Untill staff comes and takes it away, much to the boos and catcalls of the crowd. Not to be dettered, the crowd mercilessly inflates another object to bat around in the crowd. This one....a condom. The staff does NOT take this one away, perhaps for fear of retribution of a worse nature.

As the line draws to an end, I borrow a nearby Ninjas phone *I know...but desperate times create strange bedfellows* and call my friends whom I'm staying with. As I tell them where I am they reply with' Oh don't bother getting a badge. We've got one for you.'. My hand drops in frustration. After staring at the cars nearby for the car show in the dealers room for the immense wait while in line, I realise that mine looks better than most of them and that I could have put mine in there. Oh well. As I leave the line after 7 hours....yes you read that right, 7 hours!, I head out to the room...because the two panels I wanted to go to are already over. I bump into Yaya Han in the hotel and get invited to my first party for the weekend. I clean up in the room after getting my things there and go to check it out after a bit. its flowing already, and I decide to come back after I get to Mikes R5 panel. That turned out to be interesting and I found myself on the recieving end of being a judge for an ultimate-rumble style panel debate *because he trusts my judgment*.

I head back to the party and find it in full swing. I meet up with a few people whom I met at Ohayocon and the party gets going, well, untill I get left behind with no warning and left wondering what happened to my friends. I call it a night around 3'ish.

And awaken to loud talking in the room....apparently my friends are early risers. Ugh. I get ready for the day after waitng for my turn in the bathroom and decide its time to eat big so It will last the day. I look in the book and discover a Dennys about a mile away and decide to walk. Good excercise in the morn and I have a full breakfast for 9 bucks. Can't beat it. As I walk back to the hotel choking on my hair, I'm reminded that Chicago is called the 'Windy City' for a reason. I get back and after finding the autograph section and when the times are for Kenichi Sonodas autographs are, I stake out my seat. I notice a distinct trend in the difference between the lines of ours to see the japanese character designer and the line in front of us weaving through the ropes to see the American voice actors. The line in front of us is notably longer and full of much younger teens, mostly female. As our line, is mostly old farts like me. Crying shame if you ask me. I get my signs (and a Priss sketch!) and gleefully skip away. I find my good pal Bob and together we head up to my room to get changed....

...into Jack Sparrow and Davey Jones. I could go on for hours about Bobs amazing costume, or how many times people wanted to snap pics, or how popular we were then....but I'll just leave it at the fact that Kevin Lilard didn't get a photo of us...and was probably the only one. I peruse the dealers room and find that aside from a Gurren Gundan flag and a GL T shirt that there's not too much that snares my interest.

WE decide that since I need to pay back Bob for his trip *by buying him dinner* we go across the street of the convention center to a rather expensive and fancy looking steakhouse. The four of us *two of said Ohayocon friends in tow* head in and as we gaze at the Jags in the lot and sweep though the doors into the wood framed room with it's white coated bus boys and suited Maitre d', we wonder if we aren't in the wrong place. A hearty handshake and cries of 'ahoy' are relieving sounds from this man and as the bus-boys salute when we walk in , I start to take notice of the seafaring motif in the establishment. We sit and start a magnificent dinner of steaks no thinner than an inch and a half, gumbo and crabcakes. I mean the waiter couldn't stop chuckling and was very nice, and the other patrons who we assumed would be offended actually took pictures with us! I wonder how that blackmail one came out.... Stuffed we made back to the con hotel and saw the line for the dance....

...great, another line. After discovering that the line NEVER went away while the dance was on since the room only had the capacity for 2000 people, I figured on the dance being a loss. Shame since I wanted to see the cool imported DJ's they sprang for, and was eager to hang with Greg Ayers *yes we are friends, yes I have his cell number, no you can't have it*. We had a few drinks at the swiftly closing bar and then I retreated to room party central and proceded to hang with various peoples. My friends from Ohayocon and I get on and as the night wears on we seperate and I'm left wondering when they are coming back again. After holding the torch for a while and watching some of Chicagos finest do their best 'fire drill' impersonation I decide it's better for me not to sit around again and head for my bed...late.

And am up early to check out of the room. Cart my stuff to the car and pack it all away so that I can enjoy the last day of the con. After that was taken care of I run into a few others for a final time and then decide my best bet before heading out to catch anyone that I know will be at closing cerimonies. I step in and find to my chagrin that there are a few people running tech that I know. I secure a seat after saying hi to a few more, like Jan and Chris and settle in for one of the longest closing cerimonies I've ever seen. After that, Jan absconds with me to the room and I tell the folks there about my depressing and uneventfull weekend, they vow to raise my spirits. Keven Bolk soon folows into the room *a man whom I didn't even know was there* and we make plans for food that evening....me wondering if I'll ever get out of there. We head out in a small party of a manageable 6, and proceed to have the TRUE Chicago style pizza....for the first time in my life. This is how Pizza should be done. Seriously, if you've never had real Chicago Pizza from Chicago, you don't know what you're missing. Two pieces and you're pretty full. No joke. We take a detour on the way back to look at the city more and marvel at the sheer size of the Sears Tower. Our local tourguide is happy and glad to show off her town on the way back. We get in later and everyone is taping a podcast in Jans room using a videocamera and a mic. We make rude guestures at said camera while this goes on since the audio is the only thing they'll use. As we talk through the evening, we realise how long we've been doing this and names from the past creep in *Peter Brown...I haven't head that name in YEARS! Same goes for David Norrel* as Jan and I relive some fonder times. With late night creeping up already, Jan offers up one of the now nearly empty band rooms for me to crash in, and I must admit a good nights sleep is probably a good idea before setting out for a 13 hour drive. I grab some stuff to stay and hit the post con Dead Dog party with the others, but I'm too worn out and tired of being dissed all weekend to realy stay around. After making good with my friends I head back to where the now ill and sleeping Kevin snores away. Not a problem since I always pack earplugs. Hello sleep.....

I awake at about 9 oclock Chicago time (remember, I lost an hour crossing into the city) and pack up. I get underway without a fuss as the others are still gonna be asleep. I pay for my nearly $50 of parking (another reason I hate convention centers) and 'head out for the highway' as Judas Preist would say. The drive is rough as it always is after a con, reversing the order of things on the way home. I crest the bridge and glimps one last time at the tower I never got to scale while there and bid farewell to Chicago. AS the drive progresses the fatigue of con-going and the long solo trip begins to wear. No naps are necisary but it's obviously taking a toll. AS I make one of my frequent gas stops to fill the syphoning black hole I call the FC's gas tank, I notice the tempurature gauge is slowly going up on the car. Uh oh....I had enough trouble with this a few years ago, not now please! I open the hood to find that the fan has, indeed, stopped. A melted fuse is the culprit. Luckly I have spares for my trip and replace it and get underway, only to keep an eye on the gauge untill my next stop where I find the fuse blown again. Hmmm, somethings blowing them but I'm not going to find it here, if I can limp home and stay moving I should be ok. God help me if I get stuck in traffic. My luck holds out and with Anime World Order's podcast playing on the Ipod *you guys saved my life...thanks!* I franticaly chew my nails watching the gauge the whole time. Luckly the weather is still cool even for this time of year and the cooling properties of my new radiator are amazing and the car makes it back in one piece.

SO I take the time to write to you folks...I hope this makes up for the lack of rants I haven't been posting lately. But this was something I needed to write up and breathe out. I had some high points for the weekend, but overall I'd say it was probably the second worst experience I've had at an anime con, Otacon 2001 being the worst. I'll probably try and fix the car this weekend and rest up since I haven't been able too since. I made the trip and am glad that I had the experience. Was it worth all that money and time, certainly no.

Would I do it all over again...not sure.

Will I be going back next year, probably not.

Was it an experience? Most definetly.

Resistance is FUTILE!!!

Neo-Vader III